Scale of Health

On a scale of 1-10, how is your health?
{2014}

I really don't like this question. I hate it when they ask me at the doctors, and I always have. How about instead of numbers, it's on a scale of "none" to "Holy crap I hurt!"

Right now I'm at a "Meh" level. Meaning around a 5, aka my 'normal'

Photo:  The most beautiful rendition of "Oh Lord, My Redeemer" was sung by two sisters in my ward today. I love that song anyway, but these two Samoan sisters plus an acoustic guitar was absolutely beautiful. I was so tempted to record it so I could share it. So beautiful. I wish you all could have heard it! #iamlds

To See Myself

How would you like to see yourself?

{2013}

 

I'd like to see myself healthy. I'd like to be able to do what I used to be able to without any problems. I'd like to not have to limit myself because I couldn't handle it. I wanna rock this world and have no health issues to stop me. 

Photo: Ready. Set. Vote! Are you registered?  If not, head to your local Utah Credit Union and register.

Health Scale

On a scale of 1-10, how is your health?

I don't know why, but I really dislike putting s number to my health. When I go to the doctor they ask what my pain level is on a scale from 1-10. I never know if they mean compared to normal, or compared to the new normal.

Compared to the new normal, I'm doing pretty good, however compared to the old normal, it's not so great. So who knows I think I'd probably give it a good ol' 5.

Photo: Woohoo refund! Who doesn't love getting money back? So what if I've paid a heck of a lot more into it.

Greatest Success

What has been your greatest success this year?

 

I think not giving up. Not quitting my job because things for too hard for me. Not holing up in my house, staying in bed, and never leaving. I know I haven't always had the best attitude, but I haven't given up, and I think that's quite a success.

 

Photo: Exciting night to be a Cowboys fan. Can they do it?

 

My Body

My body is...

 

A wonderland. Right John Mayer?

 

But really, it is old and tired and in pain. However, it is still functioning somewhat and getting me around. I am grateful for it.

 

Photo: Month of Gratitude Day 27. Grateful for my brother Brady. Even though we spent most of our early years fighting, I couldn't have asked for a more living and supportive little brother. It was fun having him so close in age so we could have some of the same friends and share some memories. Grateful for his example to me, and grateful for the times he texts or calls just to see how I'm doing. I'm also grateful for his wife, and my newest sister Ashbee. She is super cute and sweet and she loves my brother. I'm grateful they have each other. Love you two!

Last Text

The last text message I received...

{2012}

 

Was from: Greg

and said: For long pentance sessions.

 

Don't ask.

 

Photo: Month of Gratitude Day 21. Grateful for doctors (in all their varieties) and modern day medicines. I don't understand how anyone could go to school for a hundred years just to deal with sick people, but I'm sure grateful there are people out there who do. Grateful they are willing to become knowledgeable in different areas of medicine so they can help me when my body decides to shut down. Grateful they will answer my stupid questions and put up with people who have issues that aren't easy fixes. Grateful they are there to try and help. And when I said Drs in all their varieties, I also meant a 'witch doctor' I know who also had helped me. I look forward to seeing her again when the time is right. Grateful for your knowledge and personal insight. It's nice to know I have options, and for that I am also grateful. and p.s. some of those bottles are duplicates. I don't really have a ton of meds.

 

As of Late

This is what I've been up to lately...

{2012}

 

Working
Visiting Teaching (yes before the end of the month even!)
Helping keep score for church volleyball
I'm pretty boring.

 

Photo: Month of Gratitude Day 20. Grateful for all the little ways the Lord watches out for and helps me. I can't tell you how many times I've almost dropped things and somehow they land just perfectly so I don't have to bend over, or my reflexes are ninja like, and I somehow catch them. Or like today, he knew I needed a twenty minute break, so when I swallowed my massive pill, it got caught in my throat. Now this has happened before, but it only takes a few minutes before I can get it down. Today it was such for over twenty minutes, so I got to chill in the breakroom for that time, and just when I was on the verge of breaking down, I was able to get it down. These are just a few silly examples, but I know the Lord is mindful of me and my abilities and handicaps. I'm grateful for that knowledge and grateful for his watchful, protective care.

Excess

What do you have too much of?
{2012}

 

Negative energy. Too much anger and resentment towards quite a few people. It's frustrating that I can't seem to let go. Maybe one of these days I can just let go. Its way too much for sure.

 

Photo: Month of Gratitude: Day 13. With all the time I spend crying and complaining about what my body can't do, today I am grateful for what it can. I have a healthy heart with only one valve that has slightly elevated blood pressure (I blame it on work), that still beats and pumps blood throughout my body. My lungs are mostly functioning properly. I can still walk by myself, though I have to be careful not to jump off curbs. I can dress myself mostly by myself, I can do my hair well enough that I don't look like I just rolled out of bed. I can see. I can drive, though I have to take corners a little slower. I can still work at my job. And mostly I'm grateful that my hands aren't totally deformed, so even though it's harder to do what I once could, they still can do what I need them. Lots to be grateful for today.

 

I Can't Believe

What is one thing you can't believe is happening in your life right now?
{2012}

 

I think my health is the main thing. I just wish I knew the cause mostly, and why it's happening right now. It's crazy to be healthy for 25 years of your life, then not. Kind of hard to believe when it happens to you.

 

Photo: We totally matched today, and totally didn't mean to.

 

7 Things

List 7 this about the last seven days.
{2012}

 

1. Had my second appointment with my rheumatologist. It was okay. He just gave me results, put me on a new med, and had his nurse give me a flu shot. Why he hasn't fixed me yet, I don't know. How hard can it be? (Said with sarcasm)
2. Got my hair done. I finally decided to cut it because it was getting too hard to manage. I wonder what I'd look like if I were bald.
3. Had a bit of a melt down at work. With everything that is going on with my health I'm a tad bit more sensitive than normal. They are changing the way of tellers so now we will be expected to do everything, but it's not going to work. It just won't....
4. Called in sick for the 4th time this month. My new meds can make my stomach hurt and I puked this morning. It's been a while since that had happened.
5. Went to a Stake Relief Society dinner. I've never been to one. Now I remember why. Good message, not so great food and didn't know many people.
6. Got to ride in the car with my husband for about 6 hours last weekend. Good times, good times.
7. Had a fabulous 4 days of not working last weekend. I need more breaks.

 

Photo: It's been a while since I've had to sleep with a bucket next to my bed.

 

In One Year

In one year, what would do you how best describes your life?

 

Healthy. Hopefully it doesn't take that long, but even if it does, I hope that we'll at least be getting closer to finding more answers. Could be wishful thinking. We'll see.

 

Photo: Greg wouldn't let me take a cat home. Rude right?

 

Embarrassed

Describe the last time you were embarrassed.

 

It was probably when I fell leaving work. I think all the embarrassing stuff happens at work. I know they don't make fun of me or think less of me or anything, but it's still embarrassing when stuff like that happens and all I do is cry. Oh well. It could be more embarrassing I'm sure.

 

Photo: I kind of feel like I live here. Not that I'm complaining, it's just been a long month of tests. I had a chest CT scan today and then back to pick up a prescription.

 

Dressing Up

Are you going to dress up for Halloween? If so, as what?

 

I really despise dressing up. I just don't like it. I'm not creative, and I don't find it fun. Caleb wants us to dress up as Oompa-Loompas, and lower our chairs to the lowest, which would be funny, but it's too much work. We'll see what happens...

 

Photo: I get cankles sometimes.

 

The Weather

Describe today's weather...

 

It's cold. I know it's not winter, or really even that cold, but I feel like it's just colder and colder. But today want really that bad. It wasn't hot, but it wasn't freezing. It rained a bit which is awesome. It needs to do that more.

 

Photo: Did a pulmonary function test. 6 minutes of walking plus lots of breathing. The mouthpiece was super uncomfortable, but it's all good. I can at least breathe still.

 

Texting

Who are the three people you text/talk on the phone with most often?

 

1. Greg
2. Greg
3. Greg

He's about the only person I text or talk to. Everyone else is even. Sorry peeps.

 

Photo: What I saw today...I saw my very first ultrasound today. It was a heart ultrasound. Kinda really strange... now I'm rewarding myself by eating the rest of the muddy buddies I made.

 

Lately

This is what I've been up to lately...

{2013}

 

Well, lately I've been sleeping in and watching Soaps when I wake up. You see. I fell and hit my head on Tuesday. It kind of knocked me out. Not literally. I don't think I ever lost consciousness at least. Needless to say, I've been out of work for the past few days. So seriously. This is day three of trying to get as much sleep as possible to overcome this latest, literal, downfall.

 

Photo: In motion... kinda feel like the ceiling is in motion... like a spinning motion.

 

Most At Ease

I feel most at ease when...

{2012}

 

I know that I've got my husband right next to me to help me when I need it, to lend me his strength, to know that he will support me and be there for me.

 

Photo: Something colorful... you can't tell but there is a colorful bruise under that massive goose egg. I fell leaving work. Caught myself with my head.

 

Thankful

What are you thankful for?

{2012}

 

I'm grateful for people who are willing to spend a lot of years going to school to specialize in various health fields.

 

People who are willing to put in a good word out help me get into different doctors.

 

People who are genuinely concerned about me.

 

A great hubby who is willing to go to my doctor appointments with me... who will let me cry, but only for a minute before cracking some joke to get me laughing... who will slow down for me, will help me stand up, will help me in and out of the tub, will help me with my hair out get dressed.

 

My health... I'm still alive and I can go about my daily activities, with only a few minor troubles.

 

Photo: met with the rheumatologist today. More testing in my future. Its okay. As long as I can get better.

 

I'm Different

What is one thing that makes you different?

{2012}

 

Right now I can only think of physically different. By that I mean this whole health thing has got my body changing and me looking different. I think the biggest thing that makes me different is my face. The skin tightening is really starting to take its toll. I don't really know how to explain it and I don't know that this actually answers the question, but it's all I can think of. I just hope that is not permanent and I can get my face back. :)

 

Photo: love curling up with my blanket on the couch. Thank goodness it's Friday.

 

On My Mind

What is one thing on your mind that you're not quite ready to talk about?

Interesting question. If I didn't want to talk about it, then I wouldn't bring it up... right? I think one thing that is difficult for me to talk about is my health. I promise one of these days I'll write about it, because I think it'll be important to document my days, but right now I don't really want to. I don't really like to talk about it because, A: I don't even know exactly what's going on, B: I don't want people to worry, C: I don't want people to feel bad/sorry for me, and D: I don't want to be a burden on anyone.

It could be healthy to talk about it. Just not now.

Photo: Made me happy... these yummy cookies made me happy, and I only had two!