Accommplish Awesome

How would you like to see yourself?

{2013} :: {2014}

I would like to see myself accomplishing some pretty awesome things. I haven't quite figured out what those "awesome" things are, but hopefully someday soon I'll figure it out. I can do it.

Photo:#airball and #goodnight

Excess

What do you have too much of?
{2012}

 

Negative energy. Too much anger and resentment towards quite a few people. It's frustrating that I can't seem to let go. Maybe one of these days I can just let go. Its way too much for sure.

 

Photo: Month of Gratitude: Day 13. With all the time I spend crying and complaining about what my body can't do, today I am grateful for what it can. I have a healthy heart with only one valve that has slightly elevated blood pressure (I blame it on work), that still beats and pumps blood throughout my body. My lungs are mostly functioning properly. I can still walk by myself, though I have to be careful not to jump off curbs. I can dress myself mostly by myself, I can do my hair well enough that I don't look like I just rolled out of bed. I can see. I can drive, though I have to take corners a little slower. I can still work at my job. And mostly I'm grateful that my hands aren't totally deformed, so even though it's harder to do what I once could, they still can do what I need them. Lots to be grateful for today.

 

I'm Different

What is one thing that makes you different?

{2012}

 

Right now I can only think of physically different. By that I mean this whole health thing has got my body changing and me looking different. I think the biggest thing that makes me different is my face. The skin tightening is really starting to take its toll. I don't really know how to explain it and I don't know that this actually answers the question, but it's all I can think of. I just hope that is not permanent and I can get my face back. :)

 

Photo: love curling up with my blanket on the couch. Thank goodness it's Friday.

 

On My Mind

What is one thing on your mind that you're not quite ready to talk about?

Interesting question. If I didn't want to talk about it, then I wouldn't bring it up... right? I think one thing that is difficult for me to talk about is my health. I promise one of these days I'll write about it, because I think it'll be important to document my days, but right now I don't really want to. I don't really like to talk about it because, A: I don't even know exactly what's going on, B: I don't want people to worry, C: I don't want people to feel bad/sorry for me, and D: I don't want to be a burden on anyone.

It could be healthy to talk about it. Just not now.

Photo: Made me happy... these yummy cookies made me happy, and I only had two!

Easier

My life would be easier if...

 

I wasn't in pain all the time. I think quite often how different things would be if I weren't in pain. I wonder if I would do more (see post from yesterday). I like to think I would. I know it would definitely be easier to pick this up that I drop. I also would have the stamina to do my everyday activities. I don't really understand the purpose of this trial (do we ever?) But maybe part of it is to not take for granted the sinplicity of certain things (like picking things up, or doing my hair, or lifting the laundry basket.) I'm learning a lot through this, most definitely

.

Photo: Made By Me. These cookies were not made by me, but they were eaten by me. Greg makes the best cookies.

 

Guilt

What is the thing you felt guilty about?

 

Being lazy. I'm so lucky to have a husband who is so willing to do typical 'housewife' duties. He cleans, he cooks, he does laundry, he's just the best. Especially lately where everything is a lot more difficult for me to do. It can be tough. I really feel guilty that I don't do more. Makes me feel like a major failure. Hopefully I can get going again soon though. I'll come back as a super wife.

 

Photo: White. It was a lazy day. We played Halo4 and enjoyed our day together. I love when I don't have to work on Saturday.

To the Doctor I Go

The last doctor's appointment you made was because...

That's actually pretty ironic since the last doctor appointment I had was today. It was made because my body hates me. In short I have been in pain for the past 1.5 years. Someday I will tell the whole story, but for now I'll leave it at that. I'm just beyond relieved to have finally been able to go see a doctor. The doctor I went to was fabulous. And its through good people that I was able to see him, and see him when I did. I'm grateful for good people. It was kind of funny because the nurse and doctor kept apologizing that it took forever to finally see me (about an hour and a half). Little do they know I would have been happy waiting three hours to get in. Anyway. Like I said, I'll tell the whole story once I know more.

Photo: Here Forever
I've been waiting to get here forever, and couldn't be more excited and ready.

Talkin' to Myself

Who was the last person you spoke with?

There are two possibilities, either Greg, or myself. I’d probably go with myself. I do that a lot.